A contrary man spreads conflict,

and a gossip separates friends.

Proverbs 16:28

BY James McDonald, attribution below

Don’t be a pervert.

“Uh, okay,” you may say, a little smack of sarcasm in your voice. “I wasn’t exactly planning on it.”

In some translations of the verse above, the “contrary man” is said to be instead a “perverse man.” Not the wild-eyed, drooling kind of sick-o, but one who for some twisted reason delights in stirring up trouble, in sowing conflict, in separating friends.

You can’t spot this person right away. He’s not the kind to drop a bomb in between people and be known as the perpetrator. Instead he “spreads conflict.” He “sows strife,” as some versions of the Bible say it. He plants little seeds that over time have the potential to grow into bigger issues with the muscle to push people apart, to arouse suspicions, to invite unkind words and actions. It’s subtle. It’s sneaky.

But they’re out there, these perverts, bristling with the power to separate even the best of friends. They’re not out in front where you can see them. They’re off to the side, out in the parking lot, on the phone, at the store, over coffee, whispering things: “Did you hear about—? Can you believe it? Isn’t it just awful? How could she do a thing like that?” Theirs is a condition born of insecurity, jealously, and anger, but it reveals itself in treachery and distrust.

Why would God put this verse in the Bible? Was he thinking that a perverse person would be reading the book of Proverbs, would slap himself in the forehead, and say, “Oh no, that’s me! I’ve got to stop doing that!”

No, there’s little likelihood that a foolish person is going to find much value in Proverbs, as if he was going to change anyway. This verse is for the person who wants to protect her friendships, who knows to be on the lookout for:

• Bad reports. “Hey, did you hear about such-and so? I know it’s none of my business, but …”

• Half-truths. “Did you hear that Bill lost his job? Did you hear why? I think the reason is …”

• Exaggerations. A kernel of truth expanded into a bad report.

• Motive assessments. “Do you know why she does that? You know why he acts that way?”

No, do you?

I’ve learned to stop this stuff in its tracks. If you’re sincere about protecting your friendships, do these two things: 1) stop the repetition and 2) cover the transgression.

Bad reports may travel fast through the grapevine, but they need to stop with us. When people come up to me and say, “Pastor, did you know …” I usually answer back, “Why are you telling me this?” (That’s a little nicer than saying what actually comes to mind: “What do my ears look like to you? A trash can?”) This direct approach puts a strange, blank look on people’s faces. “Why are you telling me this?” is the best reply I know of to a piece of gossip.

Only a few times in your life can you do something that you’re absolutely sure God wants you to do. This is one of them. If you’re serious about taking care of your friends, don’t let the perverts have their way. “Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses” (Prov. 10:12).

Do bad reports stop with you, or do they continue on? Are you a clog or a conduit in the personal injury pipeline? What makes this a challenge in your life?

SOURCE

MacDonald, James. Ancient Wisdom: The Book of Proverbs With Devotions for Today (p. 75). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.